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What do you call a tuba's father?

Oom - papa

If your aunt ran off to get married, what would you call her?

Antelope

What do a computer programmer eat at cookouts?

A "byte" of everything

What runs around all day and lies under your bed at night with its tongue hanging out?

Your shoes

Why did the waiter carry the tray over his head?

He thought everyone should have a balanced meal.

Why is it hard to fool a slug?

Because you can't pull their leg.

What's the different between an oak tree and a tight shoe?

One makes acorns, the other makes corns ache.

What kind of tree do you find in the kitchen?

A Pantry

Hey, what kind of music fo astronuts play?

Nep-tunes

Do joggers catch colds?

No, but they do get "runny" noses.

What has a face but has no mouth?

A clock